I am a coffee drinker. But not just any coffee. Strong coffee. The kind of coffee that melts your fillings. The kind of coffee they used to experiment on hamsters till it made them so crazy they never slept. That coffee.

It wasn't always that way. I used to drink any coffee. Diner coffee, instant coffee, coffee for girls. And it worked fine. For all nighters in college, long drives…it was more than adequate. Then these Seattle WA coffee stores started appearing across the country, offering their amped up version that made traditional coffee look like Richard Simmons in shorts.

Now I'm hooked. Which makes sense since caffiene is technically a drug. I know this cause when I don't drink of cup of mocha chuppa crack, my head feels like it just went five rounds with this guy.

And don't think I've tried to quit. My wife suggested herbal tea, so I tried lemon morning. Not only did I still get a headache, but I found myself on iTunes downloading showtunes.

So, I guess it's coffee from here on. Anybody have any better ideas, call me. I'll be up late.